A friend of mine recently lost someone who was very close to her this year. I know that the holidays can be really hard after losing a loved one and I wanted to let her know that her loss has not been forgotten and that I am here for her if she ever wants to talk.

So, I decided to do a 12 days of Christmas for her. She does not live close to me so I gathered all the gifts, typed something to go with each one, wrapped them and mailed them together in a box. I wrote a note to her explaining what it is and then left it up to her if she wanted to open the gifts all at once, or each day, or wait altogether. Doing this allows her to process her grief in her own time. 

I’ll go ahead and share with you some of the things that I included in the box as well as a few other ideas that you could do instead. 

Day 1: A Personal Memory of the one who has passed

I had the opportunity to meet the person who my friend lost and so I shared with my friend what I appreciated about the loved one. I also gave her some homemade granola which was also a personal tie to the one who passed away. 

Another option could be a photo of the person who passed away, especially if its one of them with your friend.

However, if you do have a personal memory of the loved one, then I really want to encourage you to share it. This will be the most cherished part of the gift. I still love hearing from others about my younger brother, Sam, who passed away when I was 15. He had such a significant impact on my life and hearing how he impacted someone else is always a beautiful thing. 

While the sharing of a memory is not a physical object, it is something that has so much more meaning behind it.

Day 2: Angel Bookmark

I really do feel that the ones that we have lost watch over us. They are not gone. We can feel their presence as we carry on in our lives, remembering them, and honoring them in the actions that we take as we move forward. They become unseen angels in our lives.

Here are some bookmarks you could consider: 

Christmas Angel Bookmark 

Angel Bookmark

Another option that I considered was a Willow Tree Statue. These statues are beautiful and so expressive in their simplicity. 

You can find them here: https://www.willowtree.com/

Day 3: Soap or some other self care item

One of the things that helped me to start to heal from my own grief from a miscarriage, was getting outside each morning to go on a walk and listening to an inspiring podcast. That’s how I was able to energize myself even though getting up and outside wasn’t always easy. Self-care was life changing for me. It allowed me to come to a place where I could accept the pain that I had been holding in for years. And it helped to recharge so that I could be a better mom to children and spouse to my husband.

I cannot stress enough how important self care is yet it is not often on our priority list when we are grieving. So, giving a gift associated with self care for a friend who is grieving can encourage them to take the time that they need to recharge. 

I decided on soap from Autumn Blooms By Kami. I love her soaps and other products. Not only do they smell wonderful but they’re gentle on the skin. 

Day 4: Chocolate

Sometimes we just need a bit of chocolate, right? 😊

Day 5: Ornament

This is a special tradition that my family has been doing for years. I’m not sure if we started it when Sam passed away or if we’ve always done it but it’s a special tradition. My family all gathers together to decorate my parents’ Christmas tree and the first thing we do is pass out these ornaments to each person. Then we take turns putting an ornament on the tree for those who are not able to be with us that Christmas. We say the name of the person as we do so and it’s a time where we can look back and remember the moments we had with them and the things we’ve learned from them.

Day 6: Leaves

The leaves are still changing color where I live and I love drawing parallels of life from nature. So I grabbed some beautiful red leaves and gave them as a reminder that even in difficult times we can still find something to appreciate. 

Another option was to plant a tree or gift them a tree in memory of the one they lost.

Day 7: From Heartache to Hope

My mom wrote this book called, The Act of Ministering: From Heartache to Hope for Latter-Day Saints.  She wrote it based off of the Heartache to Hope workshop that she has been doing for years. It’s filled with wisdom and lessons about grief. It also teaches about how we can be better at ministering to others. One quote that really stood out to me was this, “It’s not the pain that is the problem, it’s the running from the pain that’s the problem.” No, it’s not easy to feel, in fact it’s hard, but that pain is also a reminder of the love that we have for the person who we’ve lost. And we want to keep that love with us. It’s not about getting over the pain, but about embracing it for what it is, love.

Day 8: Still There Bookmark

Yes this is the second bookmark, but I love it. Plus I never seem to have enough bookmarks 😊 and maybe they’re the same way.

I created this bookmark based off of a story that a friend shared with me about a young girl who had cancer. In time she passed away and her parents were going through her journals. In her journal was the line, “The moon is round.” This puzzled her parents until one day they came across a journal entry explaining it. She wrote about how there are times that she cannot see God in her life but that doesn’t mean He is not always there. Just like the moon is still the same shape no matter what part of it we see, God is always there.

Even when life can seem dark and difficult, God is still there guiding us and helping us in often unseen ways.

I also have a “Moon Is Round” tee in the shop.

Day 9: Kindness Postcards

Sometimes the best thing that we thing we can do to bring some joy into our life is to spread a bit of kindness. One way that I love to do this is by sending out Kindness Postcards from Quietly Being Kind. It is a great way to let others know we are thinking of them. They also get us thinking outside our own situation, which at times we could use a break from. Putting our focus on someone else is a way to take a break from a difficult situation.

Day 10: Books

I love a good children’s book. In fact, I really couldn’t help myself because I ended up with two books instead of just one.  

The first book is called, “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst. It reminds us that love connects us with those we love, like an invisible string and that no matter what we go through, we are still connected to each other.

The second book is called, “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You by Nancy Tillman.” Wherever their loved one is, their love can still be felt. 

Another book option is Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen

Day 11: Family Conversation

Not really a gift this time, but some questions for creating a family conversation about your mom. Sometimes talking about those we’ve lost can create a space of healing. With these questions you can create a safe place to talk with your family about your mom and the impact that she had on your life:

• What is your favorite memory of her?
• What are some nicknames that she had for you?
• What words would you use to describe her?
• Do you have any funny stories about times you spent together?
• What were some of the things that brought her joy?
• What are some ways we can honor her memory?

Day 12: Light of the World Pin

And, in my opinion, no 12 Days of Christmas is complete without mentioning the Savior, the Light of the World. Little Things Happy has this beautiful Light of the World pin which can remind us where the greatest peace, comfort and solace are found. And because He lives we will live again too.

I particularly have found peace from this scripture in Alma 7:11-12 which states:

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowls may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”

How grateful I am for the Lord, for His support of me in the struggles that I have faced. For the peace that I have found as I have studied His words. May we remember the truest meaning of Christmas this year. That Christ came. That He loves us, He knows us, and that He suffered for our sins, yes, but also experienced our heartaches, knowing how to comfort us. And that because of Him, we can live again.

Other Suggestions:

Here are a few more suggestions that others have given me that I thought were really good:

• A Bracelet with something on it that reminds them of their loved one (such a beautiful idea)
• A grief journal (Writing out thoughts around grief is so powerful and really helped me with my grieving process)
• A cookie delivery (Yum!)
• Or Pizza delivery (seriously who doesn’t like having dinner taken care of for them?)
• A Brightbox  (I loved this idea! They have several different options to choose from or you can create a custom one)

In all of this, remember to do this from a place of love and not recognition. It’s not about getting a response and there is a good chance they won’t respond but that does not mean that they do not appreciate it. It is about letting them know you are thinking of them, that you care, and that you are there if they ever want to talk. We are helping to create a safe place to talk about difficult things. And providing hope and light in a time of grief.