Step 1: Be Still

Trust in yourself. You know what is best for your family. Sometimes all you need to do is stop, unplug, and take the time to be still. In this process you can then re-focus on what really matters to you and your family. It is when we take that time to be still you connect more with yourself, you connect more with God, and you gain greater insights into what is really going on in your life.

Step 2: Accept

The next step in this process of listening to your heart is to accept where you are. Every family is unique and as such trusting in yourself and your ability to know what is best for you family is so important. Recently, I heard David Butler talk about comparison and how we should be looking up, rather than looking side to side. When you look up to God, it gives you an even greater insight into what you family needs and it keeps you from comparing yourself to others.

In my own family, I have a 7-year-old who has a lot of anxiety. Her needs are going to be different from a lot of her peers who are her age. If I compare her, side to side, with those peers, I’ll fail to see her unique strengths and abilities. I’ll also fail to guide her in the ways that she needs me to. However, by looking up to God, seeking His guidance, and trusting in my ability to listen to my heart, and to the Spirit of the Lord, I’ll have a greater insight in knowing how to help my daughter to learn what she needs to learn and to grow in the ways that will help her thrive.

In this acceptance step, I am understanding my 7-year-old. I am not seeking to change her but to see things from her point of view and from there guide her to know how she’ll learn, grow and thrive. I can’t do that unless I first accept where she’s at. Otherwise I start pushing her to do things that she is either not ready for or, depending on the situation, I am not pushing her enough. Acceptance is important because it means you are ready to understand and assess where you are. By knowing where you are you are then able to assess where you want to go and what you need to do to get there.

Step 3: Assess

You need to know where you are if you are going to get to where you are going. Likewise, you need to know where you are going if you want to get there. These are basic truths of navigation. You will get lost looking at a map when you do not know where you are or where you are going. So, the next step is to answer these two questions of “Where am I?” and “Where am I going?” The following questions can help you in your assessment step:

What is going on in your life? What are the struggles and fears you are dealing with? Where are you and your family at in relation to those things that are going on? How do I want to feel about the current situation? What thoughts do I want to have about it? What values are you wanting to instill within your family? What things are most important for you to teach your kids at this time? How does your family respond to how you are raising them? If there are things you need to change, what specifically are they?

Then pivot, but through it all listen to your heart because deep down, the Lord will guide you and you’ll see that you do know what is best for your family.

Step 4: Brainstorm and Take Action

Now that you know what you want to achieve and where you are, brainstorm the steps that you need to take to get you there. If you don’t have clear, specific steps of how you will get there and also when you will get there, then it will be difficult for you to get there.

The key here is to take action! It is okay to not know if the steps that you have decided on will have the desired effect. The important thing is that you are trying. Things rarely are perfect, and that is okay. It’s all a part of the learning process. Keep what you feel is making a difference, and adjust in the ways that you need. Stay open to pivoting and listening to new ideas, all the while assessing if they are best for your family.

Step 5: Have Faith

Sometimes it just takes time for something you feel is best to work. There will be days that you can see a difference, at other times there will be days that you are frustrated and struggling again. Have faith in yourself and in the Lord. Change is a process. Life is a process. These things take time.