I Am Forgiving
(Affirmation: I Am Forgiving)
Forgiveness is the ability to let go of resentment. Though oftentimes we struggle with the idea that we should forgive someone who has wronged us and/or hurt us deeply. That is understandable. They hurt you. Forgiveness is also not about ignoring the pain that was caused. It happened and it was a big deal. Don’t minimize the pain, work through it and then in time, you can let it go.
Forgiveness is not saying that what was done was okay. It’s okay to accept that what happened was not okay. Forgiveness is also not about forgetting what happened. What forgiveness is about is not letting what was done keep you from moving forward in your life. It is about learning from what happened and then letting it go. It does not mean that you will allow the act to happen again. What it is, is allowing yourself to not let that act against you, keep you from living a life full of joy and connection.
So, with that understanding of what forgiveness is and is not, let’s dive more into why it’s important to forgive.
I touched on this a bit already, but when we forgive, we are releasing the pain of what occurred and moving forward, ready to embrace joy in its place. When we hold on to resentment, we drag ourselves down, carrying a great weight. Have you ever heard the story about the man who put a pebble in his shoe so that he would remember that his neighbor wronged him? The man continued on in his life in pain because of that pebble in his shoe. He would not take it out because of how strongly he believed that his neighbor was wrong. His anger towards his neighbor grew because he started blaming his neighbor for the pain he now felt in his foot. Years passed, his neighbor moved away, and the pain got worse. The pain he felt continued and his anger towards his neighbor continued to fester and stayed even when he no longer remembered what his neighbor had done to him.
How often are we like this man with a pebble in his shoe, stubbornly refusing to take the pebble out, but instead holding on to our pain and anger? Let us let go of the pain, let go of the anger, and move forward seeking joy and relief.
Forgiveness is one of the themes in the book Les Misérables by Victor Hugo. The convict, Jean Val Jean, is forgiven by a priest after Val Jean steals from the priest. Instead the priest tells the police that he had given Val Jean the candlestick and then gives him another. Jean Val Jean then becomes a new man, devoting his life to God and treating others with respect and kindness. What stands out to me more in Jean Val Jean’s story is relationship with the policeman, Javert, whose goal is to find Jean Val Jean and bring him back to prison due to Val Jean breaking parole. After years of hiding from Javert, Val Jean is given an opportunity to be free from running. In the midst of a war, he gains the opportunity to kill Javert. In doing so he would be free, no more running, no more hiding. Instead, he forgives Javert, letting him live. Val Jean had reason to kill Javert, yet what he chose was spiritual freedom, allowing Javert to live.
In both these stories within Les Misérables, both the priest and Jean Val Jean could have felt they had been wronged. Instead they chose forgiveness. They chose to let go of resentment. They chose to focus on the future rather than the past. They chose to not hold a grudge but to learn and move forward.
Why is forgiveness so powerful?
Because it frees us. It helps us to let go of the past and fly.
Here are a few tips that can help with forgiving:
Acceptance The Forgiveness is For You
This is not about the other person, but about you being able to live a life free from the resentment and pain that occurred.
Release Meditation
Take deep breaths. When breathing in, breathe in the forgiveness. When breathing out, release the resentment.
Therapy
If the experience was traumatic, reach out. Talk to a psychotherapist who can guide you through letting the experience go. And remember that forgiveness is not about being okay with what happened, it is about moving forward in your life.
Write and Burn
This one comes from Brooke Snow’s book, “Living in Your True Identity.” You write out uncensored all your thoughts about why you are struggling to forgive. Give yourself at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted writing time. Once your thoughts are all out on the paper. Burn it, shred it, or crumple it up and throw it away.
Forgiveness is not easy. But, I know that as you seek to forgive, you will feel a weight lifted off of you and in turn you will fly.
If you are wanting to gain more clarity on what holds you back from connecting with others and/or brainstorming how to break through the obstacles in your way, then I can help. You can work with me via Zoom. Schedule a free consulation today here.
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